Seriously, Ya’ll

In real people news, (eww, who asked for that?) it’s being reported that John Edwards has admitted to an affair with some woman who was hired as a filmaker for his recently failed presidential campaign. The interview airs tonight on ABC. Apparently, the rumor of this affair has been swirling for some time, but, I gotta say, it was sure as shit a shock for me. Now, normally, I couldn’t give two shits over whose snatch he sticks it in. That’s his business. But, I gotta say, with the timing of this revelation, it stings like a titty twister.

We are exactly three months away from one of the most important, divisive, corrosive presidential elections in recent memory. The nation is completely at odds with itself, Democrats fighting tooth and nail to reclaim control over a country sorely lacking it. And this dumb fuck can’t keep his trap shut for just three goddamned more months and let the Democrats walk into the White House before “clearing” his conscience? I can’t want to see the furor this causes with the pundits in the days to come. I can only imagine the kind of shit the Repubs are going to start slinging, as it’s becoming increasingly clearer that infidelity is a characteristic these charming, Southern Dems share. I can’t wait to see the GOP indict the Democrat party, on the whole, as untrustworthy and, worse, skanky. The Christian right, prurient minds and all, are going to go spastic.

In a twist worthy of Aaron Spelling, the woman has given birth to a child, though John lays no claim to paternity. He doesn’t have to. Another gentleman in his campaign says the kid is his. What were these Edwards campaign meetings like: wild, naked, partner-swapping orgies? And why didn’t I volunteer?

Seriously though, Edwards to realize this admission does more than just redden his face. He tarnished his party further, in what couldn’t be a less opportune time, and gave those conservative nuts more ammo. I mean, really, what the fuck, man?